Last week was not a great one so I was happy when my friend invited me over to her place for dinner.. I thought I needed some relaxation and some fun.. the night turned out to be exactly the opposite.. Im not if it was her or if it was me but I never felt that I wanted to leave her place as fast as I did..
It all started when I first entered the house and she jumed at the fact that I am wearing black.. my grandmother has been dead for less than a month and she is furious about me wearing black.. I tried to explain to her that I want to at least wait till its 40 days but she even went m0re crazy by saying “ya salaaaaaaaam, and what difference would it make after 40 days, besides its not your direct parents so I dont know why are you doing this”
Of course I agree with her that if I wore colorful clothes now, after 40 days or after 10 years that would not mean that I am not sad anymore about the loss of my grandmother.. but I just dont feel like it yet, is that too much? and besides people are still visiting us to pay their condolences it would be weird if they saw me in red..
Anyway I decided not to say anything, she is entitled to give her opinion (although I think it was stronger than it should have been) and its up to me to do whatever I want).
Anyway, it seems that she was not done for the night and decided to open another subject that has been bugging her.. She thinks that I am a very aggressive person and I think that there was a hidden message that I am not a friendly person..
Is saying whats on your mind considered aggressive these days? Its true that If one of my friends buys something or gets a weird hair cut I just say that I dont like it and thought that the fact that we have been friends for more that 20 years entitles me to say the truth..
I “basayer” my Clients on a daily basis, I “basayer” my family something but I did not think that I need to do so with my best friends as well.. To whom can I say whatever I want if not to my best freinds? Although I do that sometimes.. sometimes I do shut up especially when they are feeling down or pregnant, I do lie and tell them that they look great, but they dont know that I am lying because I dont tell them that I am.. for instance this friend in particular, I used to hate going out with her and her boyfriend (who is not now her husband) because she used to act silly infront of him.. I dont know if its the fact that he is younger that us but she would turn into a stupid silly teenager around him and I never said a word and kept going out with them..
She said that If someone told me something that I dont like I either get mad and cut things off or not say a word and the person would never know what I am thinking as if I create a wall between us. She thinks that I need to communicate in a better way especially with new people..
I never treate people that I dont know badly, maybe if we are in a big group I like to listen more than participate but if someone did talk to me I do talk back.. I dont initiate but I do talk back.. somtimes gossiping and talking about how great their 4 figures dresses or bags are is not somthing that interests me, thats why i stay quiet..
Maybe she is right, but I cant say that I did not get hurt, I do let things go more than they think but they dont know about it because I just dont say it, wouldnt it be aggressive if I did??!!
She thinks that as my friend she needed to tell me and that I if I ever get married I will suffer with my husband and in-laws if I kept doing this.. I dont think I am rude to people and I hate people to think that I am especially by best friends.. Maybe the fact that I just lost my grandmother and the I just got out of a painful operation lowered my tolerance, I dont know.. Maybe she is right, and maybe she is not, but all I can say is that I am hurt right now.. ill try to take more attention and and keep my thoughts to myself and see how it goes..
What you wrote looks more like a tip of an iceberg. I received an equivalent remark by a visiting colleague who came with others to offer condolences on my father’s demise. I never felt offended. I let it sink. Now I believe he was right. Perhaps, we pay more respect to loved ones who are no more if we just don’t show any signs of grieve. We accept death much better by cherishing life and living it to the max.
A saying by R. Tagore just poped up in my mind, “Those who are too busy doing good, find no time to be good.”
First of all welcome back u have been missed really
I do not know what type of relation u had with ur friend, but i guess she was a little hard with u, i mean all these stuffs at once!!
but u know what, sometimes lsting to ppl can make us know our selves better, so try to lstn and think maybe she got a point
and at last may ur grandmother RIP
Yaak: I undertand what you are saying but Im sure you know its easier said than done.. there are studies that say that people wear the color of their clothes depending on their mood of that day… we I am still sad and still think about her all the time.. but I know you are right, and I am sure that she would want me to move on.. thanks
P.S: my condolences for your loss
مياسي: thanks a lot.. I missed you guys as well..
I would never think that my friend will say anything just to hurt me, and I am sure she only wants to see me happy.. I thought about what she said and I am trying to notive my behavior more.. as you said.. maybe she does have a point..