Archive for July, 2008

She waited hoping to hear his voice saying “hey there angel” as he usually did but she did not receive any reply.. She didnt know what to do.. did he call her by mistake? but when did he come back to town anyway? should she hang up? she wanted to try her luck one last time so she said again “Hello”..

A female’s voice answered from the other end of the line.. she was crying.. She asked “Is this Layla?”..

Layla almost collapsed.. she did not know what to say.. why is a crying female calling her from his cellphone??!! there is only one answer to that… something bad must have happened to him..

At that moment she wished her phone never rang, she wished his phone number never appeared on her screen, she was hoping it was a wrong number.. but she knew that even after years of deleting his number from her mobile, she will never be able to forget it as it was saved in her mind and heart..  she was hoping that this is just a dream and that she will wake up and find out that it did not happen.. but it did happen and this famale is waiting for her answer.. when she was finally able to find her voice and say “yes this is Layla, who is this?”

“This is Reem, Khaled’s sister.. I am sorry to be bothering you but I thought that I had to tell you that Khaled had a car accident and his situation is critical”..

The things that were running in her head were strange, how can she be releaved that she said critical and not dead? he still might die, but knowing that he is alive made her heart beat again and her lungs breathe again…

The only thing is that she did not know why did his sister call her? and as if the sister knew what was going in her mind she said “I know you might wonder why did I call you.. the truth is he called your name before he went into a coma”…

Called MY NAME???!!! wait… coma!! she took the name and address of the hospital and promised his sister to be on her way..

She couldnt remember what she wore, and how she got into her car and drove to the hospital, she suddenly found herself at the door of room 186 staring at it and not being able to move.. She was afraid of what she is going to see inside, she was afraid of what she will feel when she sees him.. She wanted to run when all of a sudden the door opens and his sister stood infront of her..

She looked tired as if she havent slept for days, and her eyes were so red and swollen from all the crying.. She smiled, held Layla’s hand and walked her into the room… And there he was, laying in the middle of the room on a small white bed all covered in white with needles on both arms.. She didnt know why at that moment she remembered how they used to make fun of how he always need a special made bed to fit him and how he used to tease her on how she faints at the look of needles.. these memories made her smile..

His sister told her that she is going to leave them both alone and left the room.. neverthless, she could not move.. she kept staring at him not believing after all this time and after all the aching for seeing him this is how it happens..

After 5 minutes, she decided to move forward, she was afraid if she touched him he would wake up and ask her what she was doing there.. but when she realized that he cant she stepped forward and held his hand.. No words can explain how she felt when she touched him… she felt sad, angry, loving, hating.. all of the feelings that she experienced when she was with him and after he left her came to her at once…

She expected to collapse, she expected to not be able to stop crying, but she was amazed that she ran out of tears.. she stayed standing next to him, holding his hand until his sister came back to the room 30 minutes later.. She asked her to go outside to talk..

His sister Reem was telling her all about the accident when she said” I honestly was shocked when he asked about you and not Dana”

Layla: “and who is Dana?”…

Reem:  “his girlfriend, or actually fiance.. she was with him in the car when the accident happened”

She stood there in shock not knowing what to say and decided to go back home, she had enough of this day.. she left the hospital not remembering what she promised his sister when she asked her to come back soon..

She drove back home with millions of questions going through he head.. when did he come back? did he leave at all? and why is he engaged to his ex-girlfriend Dana?? the one that drove him crazy when they were together??

She entered her house hearing her mobile ringing and realizing that she forgot about it and forgot about her friends who were waiting for her for dinner… She ran to answer the phone when she found the name of the most important person that she forgot about… her boyfriend Ali…

To be continued…

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She was running late for dinner, her friends have been waiting for her for thirty minutes and she still needs at least another twenty minutes.. she was trying to figure out which blouse to wear when her phone started ringing.. she wanted to ignore it knowing that it will be one of her friends hurrying her up but when it kept ringing and ringing she had to answer… she looked at the number wondering which one of her nagging friends could it be when she got shocked… it wasnt one of her girlfriends, it was the number of her ex-boyfriend who broke her heart a year ago.. she couldnt handle the shock she satt on her bed not being able to stop staring at her phone..

She didnt know what to do, should she answer or not? She kept waiting and waiting for this phone call for months and when she lost hope and finally decided to move on he decided to call?

Flashes of good and bad memories went through her head.. she remembered their first date and the fight she had with her friends asking them to stop sending her on blind dates and then how they mocked her after she thanked them for setting her up with this amazing guy who was able to impress her after 5 minutes of talking to him.. and then she remembered their last phone call after a month of acting weird and several times of not answering her phone calls when he told her that he really liked her but he had to travel and asked her not to wait for him… 

She was confused and was able to hear her heart pounding when the phone stopped ringing… she didnt know how she felt.. she felt sad as she was aching to hear his voice and yet happy to finally be able to not answer his phone calls.. why was he calling her after all this time? what does he want?

She was still staring at the phone with all these thoughts storming into her head when the phone started ringing again.. it was him… she finally decided to pick up… she cleared her throat and answered: Hello…

To be continued…

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I have dreamt about it for the last 10 years of my life.. I put it on my resolution list every year and had help from my family and friends all the way and yet was not able to achieve it..

Time made me realize that there are different ways to achieve your goals and sometimes what you thought was the best way turned out to be wrong. You try new ways and new roads everytime hoping to get what you want and most of the times you fail..

Failure made me stronger and helped me achieve other things on the way of trying to reach this one.. sometimes it was so close i was afraid to tell anyone until i get it and yet it slipped away so many times.

Last month I thought I was done, I finally got it… I finally succeeded.. It was much more than i expected so I tought this is my reward for waiting and fighting for it that long.. it was a long hard road and I deserve it..

The feeling was not what I imagined it to be but it was good.. I have realized that sometimes no matter how much you think you can do it on your own, you need someone beside you advising you all the way..No matter how much you know, you need someone to be there for you helping you out and feeling happy for you when you finally achieve your goal..

I was so close, I was so ready for it, and it slipped away again… Did I do something wrong? i dont know.. I did it differently this time and yet it slipped away.. I felt sad, I felt devastated, I felt mad from the pitty looks of the people around me..

Will I ever have it? Will it ever be mine? I know I have to keep trying and trying but isnt 10 years long enough? Should I take it as a sign that I should stop??? I hope its not..

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My brother is a very decent guy.. he is a brother that any girl would wish for.. He never had teenaging problems, he never drank alcohol, never caused us trouble and is so loving we all love him so much..

He is in his last year in college and yet he never had a girlfriend as he does not believe in relationships for the sake of having fun… he always said that as he does not like anything to happen to us (his sisters) he is sure that the girls that he might go out with have brothers who want the same thing to their sisters.. 

He always said that if he ever went out with a girl it would be for something serious and when you are young seriousness has nothing to do with it..

The thing is he met a girl a month ago, she is a sweet girl and it seems that he really likes her.. As his older sister he came to me for advice.. We discussed the fact that he is still very young and he is leaving in a year to work abroad.. and him saying that they can yikra2o il fat7a before he leaves and then see what will happen shocked me.. he is my baby brother and I want for him to live his life, enjoy it, travel, see the world, and then decide to settle down..

I didnt know what to tell him.. he said that altough he never felt like this before but no matter what i tell him he will do it, that left me with nothing to say..

Altough I do not believe in school and university relationships as I believe a person at that age is too young to know what he wants, especially guys, I know some cases that turned out “happily ever after” or at least so far..

I dont know what to tell him, he is still 21… isnt that too early for a guy to settle down? why should he start his career life with the burden of getting money to get married.. Work is different than university, it builds your character and matures you.. and I wanted him to experience all that before getting committed to someone.. and if they are meant to be then no matter how long he travelled they will eventually meet again..

Am I wrong? could I be standing in the way of his happiness? I dont know..

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Second Chances…

Do you believe in giving someone a second chance? if someone who hurt you and disappointed you in the past came back asking for a second chance do you think you should give it to him?

I believe that if you love someone you should let them go and if they come back they are … broken..

And what is broken is broken, you wont gain anything other than hurting yourself if you tried fixing it.. and no matter how much you tried to glue it back together the cracks will always be noticable no matter how much you try to hide them..

what do you think?

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How many times…?

How many times can a person bear getting his heart broken?

How many times can a person pretend that he is fine when he is not?

How many times can a person hear you are a surviver, you can make it while he feels that he cant?

How many times can a person hear you deserve better while he believes that this was the best thing that ever happened to him?

How many times can a person smile and say it happens while his heart is aching?

How many times can a person look back and think what if?

How many times can a person accept people feeling pitty for him?

How many times can a person hear you will eventually find someone who deserves you?

How many times can a person wonder should I ask for closure or just keep my pride and move on?

How many times can a person survive being disappointed?

How many times can a person play strong while he is so fragile?

How many times can a person bear seeing his hopes and dreams get shattered while people are watching?

How many times can a person wait for someone while he knows he is not coming back?

How many times…?

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Your comments regarding my post “Finding your Soul Mate, but…” were very felpful but unfortunately turned out to be in vain… the guy dumped her… I cant believe it..

This is not a guy who she met through friends or by herself… it was arranged by their families, and yet he turned out to be an ***…

He promised her the clouds, he was talking to her about their life after marriage and how all he wants is to make her happy.. they even talked about the numbers and names of the children they are going to have, and then what did he do??? he DISSAPEARED.. he did not even respect her and treate her in a mature way by telling her to her face that its not going to work.. the guy is 40 years old for God’s sake, and yet he behaved like a child..

What do guys do that? believe me we would really appreciate you if you talk to us directly and tell us that you dont think we are compatible enough and that its not going to work out.. this will make us respect you and wish you luck..

He simply stopped calling and stopped returning her phone calls…  are we in high school?! I know you might think that she should not jump to conclusions and that something might  have happended to him, but no, he is just BUSY…

Guys, guys, guys…. I dont believe that all guys are a** h****, but some girls do know how to attract them..

I really really feel sorry for her, this girl went through a lot in her life and she finally thought that this is the person that will make her happy.. she talked to me about her future plans with him and how she imagines their life together would be.. she talked to me about what he likes and what he doesnt and how she is willing to do anything to make him happy.. she is even willing to overlook his gay clothes 🙂

Its sad, I dont know what to tell her, we all have been there and yet you feel you have nothing to say.. sometimes in these situations all your bad memories come back out of no where and you feel that you need a shoulder to cry on.. 

But I guess all I can say is that everyone deserves a good decent person to love… someone who would appreciate and respent you.. but on your way to finding this person you will face a lot of bumps that might stop you… all you have to do is jump over these bumps and never look back at them.. jump so high and enjoy it believing that at the end the person that is meant for you will catch you and will lead your way..  

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