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Archive for August, 2008

29 August 2007 was when I wrote my first post.. 29 August 2007 was the when I moved from being a loyal reader to a writer..

I am glad I got the courage to do it.. by blog introduced me to alot of nice people who I might have never met without it..

I want to thank everyone who encouraged me, helped me, or even just read any of my post, I wouldnt have done it without you 🙂

P.S.: Altough Qwaider wrote a post about hating August, I love it.. its the month of my birthday and my blog’s anniversary 🙂

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Turning 29…

The time just turned 12:00, the date just turned 18 and my age just turned 29… I cant believe I’m 29… I cant believe this is my last year in my twenties!!

I look back on my life and thank God for every good and bad memory and wish the rest will be filled with more happy moments..

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Did this idea ever occure to you? If you can be a gadget what would you be?

If a mobile you come in many shapes and sizes… you can switch on and switch off.. you can receive and send your messages clearly.. you can save as much information as your wish.. you can switch into many languages.. you can be recharged.. and my best option is when you receive something you dont like all you have to do is press “options- delete- ok”

WOW I wish I can do that..

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This has bacame her life schedule for the following 2 weeks… she went to work during the day, went back home to take a nap, and went to the hospital to spend the night..

She became good friends with his sister, she talked her family into taking the night shift so no one would know about Layla and they can spend some time together.. they talked about everything and even included Khaled in case he was able to hear them.. they felt he was..

She knew that his sister had a lot of questions regarding her relationship with her brother and why did he call her name and not his fiance’s but she didnt ask.. and even if she did, Layla had no answers to these questions… the only peson who did is lying next to them being in a deep coma..

She did not know how to explain what she felt when she knew that his fiance went back home and cant leave it for the time being but calls everyday to check on him.. even if she was his fiance, he did not call her name when he was in pain, he called Layla’s.. doesnt thing mean anything?

She used to love the time when his sister used to leave them together to take a nap.. she never felt this close to him before.. she talked to him about everything.. what has happened to her since he left her.. how much she missed him and she missed his smile.. she talked to him about her work and her lady friends but never mentioned to him her new guy.. she didnt know why.. she didnt even mention his fiance.. is it because she felt that he was hearing her and she didnt want to think that there were things that might stand in the way of them getting back together? she didnt know.. she just couldnt talk to him about it.. she thought she was silly but felt that sometimes when she is talking to him or reminding him of their old days while she is holding his hand she felt a little squeeze.. she didnt tell anyone about it but she was sure she felt it and that being their little secret put her over the clouds..

On the fifteenth day and while entering the hospital at 10:30, she felt something was different… there was a lot of noise in his room.. she got scared her legs froze.. did anything happend to him? Oh please God dont let him be dead.. she waited for almost five minutes until she realized that was she was hearing was laughs and thanking prayers and not weaping and sad prayers.. she peeked through the window of his door and found his whole family and fiance standing around him all smiling and talking.. she saw him as well.. he was smiling and talking.. the hand that she was holding the day before is not holding the hand of another girl.. hearing his voice and his laugh made her heart skip a beat.. she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.. she felt as if this is a part of the movie “While you were Sleeping” but without the happy ending.. she was angry because she is the one who is supposed to be there not them.. she is the one who stayed all night beside him talking to him and reading him the news.. she is the one who he called when he was in pain for God’s sake!!!

But she was not there, they all were.. as she was about to leave his sister looked at her watch as if she remembered something and then looked up to the door .. she saw her through the window and looked at her with drops of tears in her eyes and then smiled.. she couldnt say or do anything.. what can she say?

Layla left the hospital feeling as empty and she felt when she entered it the first day she came to see him.. she was mad, sad, happy and all the crazy feelings that anyone can feel all together.. she wandered in streets not knowing where to go or what to do..

Is that it??  is it done?? again??? how can she go back to not seeing him again? what will she do now that she got used to spending the night talking to him? how can she go back to her normal life? she needs to talk to him.. she needs to tell him.. but tell him what? what is going to say? I dont think you remember but you called my name after the crash and I left my whole life behind just to be with you? I left my friends and family and most importantly the person who loves me and has been with me all through it? I left the person who I am sure by now knows what you mean to me and yet did not let me go? the person who probably feels about me the same way I feel about you? She didnot know what to do so all she did was cry.. her tears finally found her eyes and couldnt stop.. she cried her eyes out until she fell asleep..

She needs to make a decision… should she fight for him and for her love or go back to the person that does not deserve to feel the pain that she felt for a whole year?

Her phone kept ringing the next day and leaving missed calls from his phone.. is it him? or is it his sister? if its him what is she going to say, and yet she did could not handle the disapointment if it was his sister.. at the same time she received missed calls from Ali, and yet she could not call him back as well.. the guilt was eating her.. what can she tell him? She needs to think about it, she needs to think really hard and determine what is good for her… who shall she choose?

She was shocked that when she cleared her mind of everything that has happened she did not need that much of time to think about it.. her decision was not that hard.. it was too obvious.. her happiness was infront of her.. her feelings cannot be described.. she knew from the beginning where her happiness was but was stupid not to see it.. she believed that now she is sure of what love means..

She ran to her phone, called the number and couldnt stand waiting to hear his voice saying “hello pumpkin”..

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She did not call any of them back.. she did not know what to tell them… she knew that the minute she will tell her friends where she was they will go crazy and start asking her questions like “what were you thinking?” “why did you go?” and “dont you remember what he did to you and how much it took you to get over him?” as if she did not ask her self these questions a thousand times..

She thought that she will not have a minute of sleep but to her shock she slept a dreamless night the minute she put her head on the pillow..

She did not know how she woke up in the morning, put on her clothes and went to work.. she did not concentrate, she did not talk to anyone, she simply couldnt think.. all she thought about was what is she going to do… she had to make a decision before the end of the day..

when the time hit 6:00 she got in her car and went home.. she sent messages to all her friends telling them how sorry she was for ditching them the previous night and that she had a family emergency and she will call them as soon as she can..

She wanted to do the same with her boyfriend but then she thought that he deserves better than that, he has always been there for her and he deserves more than a message.. she dialled his number awaiting for him to answer not knowing what will she tell him.. when she heard his voice saying “hello pumpkin” all she wanted was to cry.. she couldnt stand her self when she felt his concern and his relief when he found out that she was ok… she hated her self at that moment.. she does not deserve someone like him.. what can she tell him? can she tell him that she knows he was worried about her but she was with her ex boyfriend who she is obviously still madly in love with and forgot all about him? can she tell him that the minute his sister called and told her that he asked for her she ran to him and has decided to spend the rest of the nights with him until he wakes up? what can she say..

All she was able to say is that something has happened to someone dear to her and that she needs to spend sometime with him until her recovers.. the silence after that was unbearable.. she knew that he felt something was not right.. she wanted him to get mad and ask for an explanation.. she wanted him to tell her that she cant put him on the side and treate him this way.. but to make things worse he told her that he understands and that he is here if she needs him.. what the hell!! please dont do this to me.. please dont make me feel worse..

Nevertheless, this did not make her change her mind a bit, even if it meant jeopardizing her relationship with him.. she took a shower changed her clothes and went to the hospital..

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