Archive for April, 2009

Last week was not a great one so I was happy when my friend invited me over to her place for dinner.. I thought I needed some relaxation and some fun.. the night turned out to be exactly the opposite.. Im not if it was her or if it was me but I never felt that I wanted to leave her place as fast as I did..

It all started when I first entered the house and she jumed at the fact that I am wearing black.. my grandmother has been dead for less than a month and she is furious about me wearing black.. I tried to explain to her that I want to at least wait till its 40 days but she even went m0re crazy by saying “ya salaaaaaaaam, and what difference would it make after 40 days, besides its not your direct parents so I dont know why are you doing this”

Of course I agree with her that if I wore colorful clothes now, after 40 days or after 10 years that would not mean that I am not sad anymore about the loss of my grandmother.. but I just dont feel like it yet, is that too much? and besides people are still visiting us to pay their condolences it would be weird if they saw me in red..

Anyway I decided not to say anything, she is entitled to give her opinion (although I think it was stronger than it should have been) and its up to me to do whatever I want).

Anyway, it seems that she was not done for the night and decided to open another subject that has been bugging her.. She thinks that I am a very aggressive person and I think that there was a hidden message that I am not a friendly person..

Is saying whats on your mind considered aggressive these days? Its true that If one of my friends buys something or gets a weird hair cut I just say that I dont like it and thought that the fact that we have been friends for more that 20 years entitles me to say the truth..

I “basayer” my Clients on a daily basis, I “basayer” my family something but I did not think that I need to do so with my best friends as well.. To whom can I say whatever I want if not to my best freinds? Although I do that sometimes.. sometimes I do shut up especially when they are feeling down or pregnant, I do lie and tell them that they look great, but they dont know that I am lying because I dont tell them that I am.. for instance this friend in particular, I used to hate going out with her and her boyfriend (who is not now her husband) because she used to act silly infront of him.. I dont know if its the fact that he is younger that us but she would turn into a stupid silly teenager around him and I never said a word and kept going out with them..

She said that If someone told me something that I dont like I either get mad and cut things off or not say a word and the person would never know what I am thinking as if I create a wall between us. She thinks that I need to communicate in a better way especially with new people..

I never treate people that I dont know badly, maybe if we are in a big group I like to listen more than participate but if someone did talk to me I do talk back.. I dont initiate but I do talk back.. somtimes gossiping and talking about how great their 4 figures dresses or bags are is not somthing that interests me, thats why i stay quiet..

Maybe she is right, but I cant say that I did not get hurt, I do let things go more than they think but they dont know about it because I just dont say it, wouldnt it be aggressive if I did??!!

She thinks that as my friend she needed to tell me and that I if I ever get married I will suffer with my husband and in-laws if I kept doing this.. I dont think I am rude to people and I hate people to think that I am especially by best friends.. Maybe the fact that I just lost my grandmother and the I just got out of a painful operation lowered my tolerance, I dont know.. Maybe she is right, and maybe she is not, but all I can say is that I am hurt right now.. ill try to take more attention and and keep my thoughts to myself and see how it goes..

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Leave me out of it…

Being the older sister and the head of my department made me always in control.. It is a very nice feeling especially that I am a Leo which fulfills my ego but sometimes I wish that I can stay out of things..

Sometimes I like to pretend that I have nothing to do with it and that the other person should handle it on his own.. like when an argument happens between my brother and sister, sometimes I just want them to solve it on their own, and when a colleague makes a mistake I wish that he/she can find a solution on their own..

Maybe its not them, maybe its me, maybe i dont know how to delegate, maybe I interfere, but they always get back to me and I am always asked for my opinion..

I wish sometimes that I can throw my problems on someone and ask them to solve it, but I have learned that things cannot be done perfectly unless you do it yourself..

My parents depend on me, my siblings depend on me, and my colleagues depend on me.. If my mother wants to but furniture I have to be there, if my brother or sister wants to go shopping I have to be there, If my father wants to go to a doctor I have to recommend one.. It does give a great feeling and I love being there for them but sometimes, just sometimes, I like it if they leave me out of it.

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While I Was Away…

I feel that I havent written anything since forever.. At first I was not in the mood for writing and then I got really busy..

I finally took a vacation on the first of March.. I went to Dubai with my mother to visit my aunt and my other aunt came from Jeddah with my cousin and met us there.. we have a great time.. we visited all the new places including the Mall of Dubai and the Atlantis.. the aquariums were amazing.. I also went to Cirque Du Soleil “Alegria”, it was beautiful.. I loved it…

After that we went back with my aunt to Jeddah.. I have to say I love it.. what would be nicer that living in a country next to Mecca… I made 3omra (il 7amdu lillah) and went to Al Madina as well.. visiting our prophet’s grave and praying there gives a feeling that I cannot describe..

Of course none of that stopped me from doing by favourite kind of workout- SHOPPING.. I am in debt for the next 5 years of my life..

I also did a minor operation in both my feet, I had a problem with both my toes and no one here understood what was wrong.. some told me fungus, others told me I have to live with it, but finally someone got what’s wrong with me but that made me postpone my vacation for another week and live in a painful couple of days.. I just hope its worth it.. ill let you know in 6 months..

and then, on the day before we were supposed to leave, we got some really sad news.. my grandmother passed away… the one person that I love more than my mother left us on mother’s day.. my mother and aunt left on the next flight but I had to wait until the doctor clears me for flying.. i didnt get the chance to tell her goodbye..

This is all I can write for now before I burst into tears.. RIP my beautiful teta.. I will miss you..

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